IETF’s Stunning Announcement: Emergency Transition to IPv7 Is Necessary!

Frostbite Falls, Minn. (NOTAP) In a brief announcement today that stunned Internet users around the world, the Internet Engineering Technical Force proclaimed the need for an “emergency” transition to a yet to be designed “IP version 7” protocol, capable of dealing with numeric values up to “a full gazillion at a minimum.”

IETF spokesman David Seville explained why this drastic move was considered necessarily when the ongoing transition from IPv4 to Internet protocol level IPv6 — the latter with a vast numbering capability — is still far from complete.

“Frankly, we’re just trying to get ahead of the curve, for once in the technology field,” said Mr. Seville. “With the dramatic rise in the number of hate speech and fake news sites around the world — not only originating in the Soviet Uni … I mean, Russia — we can’t risk running out of numbering resources ever again! Everyone deserves to be able to get these numbers, no matter how vile, racist, and sociopathic they may be. We’re already getting complaints regarding software systems that have overflowed available variable ranges simply trying to keep track of Donald Trump’s lies.”

Asked how the IETF planned to finance their outreach regarding this effort, Seville suggested that they were considering buying major ad network impressions on racist fake news sites like Breitbart, where “the most gullible Internet users tend to hang out. If anyone will believe the nonsense we’re peddling, they will!”

In answer to a question regarding the timing of this proposed transition, Seville noted that the IETF planned to follow the GOP’s healthcare leadership style. “We feel that IPv4 and IPv6 should be immediately repealed, and then we can come up with the IPv7 replacement later.” When asked if this might be disruptive to the communications of Internet users around the world, Mr. Seville chuckled “You’re catching on.”

David Seville can be reached directly for more information at his voice phone number: +7 (495) 697-0349.

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6 thoughts on “IETF’s Stunning Announcement: Emergency Transition to IPv7 Is Necessary!”

  1. Beat the crowd, jump right to IPVX! Ten octets will exceed the number of functioning brain cells in the known Universe, right?

  2. Not sure if you guys are aware, but there was already an IPv7, also known as TP/IX. Also, IPv6 supports up to 2^128 addresses, or written out: 340,282,366,920,938,463,463,374,607,431,768,211,456. I think that’s fairly close to a “gazillion”.

    That being said, loved the article. Got a good laugh out of it. x)

      1. IPv7, as proposed in 1993, had 64 bit addresses. IPv6 has 128 bit addresses and therefore a gazillion^gazillion addresses.

        But I guess someone is ranting about the need for a “new IPv7”, replacing TP/IX. Which makes no sense. While, according to RFC6814, “IPv7 was never widely deployed”, the value 7 in the version field of the IP header is still considered TP/IX. The “next big thing” would be numbered IPv10, as IPv8 and IPv9 are considered “reserved” (having been assigned to some other IP versions which are only of historic interest).

        This announcement is pure satire. Mildly confusing if you land here when actually googling for hard facts about IPv7 (the real IPv7, TP/IX) deployment details.

        And wasn’t David Seville the spokesman of the Chipmunks? And isn’t his “voice number” +7-495-697-0349 the phone number of the Moscow Kremlin Museum?

        1. Yep, satire. And yes, you’re correct about David Seville (spokesman, manager, long-suffering guardian) and the phone number. Another clue to the satire that you didn’t mention: Frostbite Falls, Minn. is where Rocky and Bullwinkle lived.

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