Greetings. I wasn't planning an entry this evening, but circumstances demand a quickie (long day, including L.A. jury duty -- ya' know what happens when I open my mouth in front of a judge given how I feel about the jury system? Luckily I didn't get into a courtroom this cycle.)

Anyway, I'm pretty tired out, when word comes down that the Microsoft "bing-a-thon" is live on Hulu. Huh? More damn bing? Egads. You know that during much of today there was a bing search bar at the top of the New York Times home page? That must have cost Microsoft more than a few kopeks. Too bad it often didn't display properly on Firefox -- though that seems somehow appropriate.

Bing-a-thon (bing-a-thon -- I guess bing is supposed to be lowercased) -- like a bad dream that fades upon waking, as sand through a clenched fist. It ended a few minutes ago, and I'm uncharacteristically at a loss for words.

It somehow combined the worst concepts of English and Spanish-language cheesy game shows, search engine (oh, excuse me, that's "decision engine") antics seemingly direct from the sideshow of a 1950s traveling carnival, and ... Fred Willard? Yeah, Fred Willard. And ... no I won't go on, the mind reels. I do remember them giving away multiple puppies to a little girl (and at one point suggesting that a puppy could make a tasty snack? Did I really hear that?)

Was that can of Diet Coke somehow spiked at the factory? When do I start to smell the colors and see the sounds? Surely no "unmodified" human brain could possibly have visualized the intensely distasteful -- no, that's not the right word -- how about "putrid" extravaganza of the bing-a-thon?

If I imagined it, I definitely need more rest. Next I'll be seeing Twitter's @common_squirrel running across my lawn -- while he's consulting a watch from his waistcoat pocket.

However, if the bing-a-thon was real -- and that was actually Microsoft's way of promoting search technology -- then we're all in bing, I mean big trouble.

I'm going to bed. In the morning, I assume I'll check and find that the bing-a-thon was simply akin to a Star Trek cordrazine hallucination.

On the other hand, if I see the string "bing-a-thon" splayed across the Web when I power up tomorrow, the angels will cry.

Say goodnight, Gracie.

--Lauren--