January 12, 2008

Your Thermostats or Your Life!

Blog Update (January 16, 2008): California Regulators Cancel Mandatory Thermostat Authority

Attention citizens! Attention to your Telescreen now! That means YOU, Roberts88739T, and YOU Debros02935Y. Attention!

By order of the California State Regulatorium, your environmental temperatures are hereby and forever placed under our direct command.

Starting next year, if all goes as planned, your new or substantially modified homes and commercial buildings by edict shall be equipped with thermostats that will be controlled via FM broadcast signals.

We will transmit temperature recommendations! We will override your temperature settings as we see fit!

You and your equipment will freeze or burn by our dictates! Oh glorious technology of the 21st century, come to fruition in reality from the nether regions of bureaucrats' dreams!

You need not fear hacking of this wondrousness. All associated Internet connections will be protected with the same sorts of precision security used for touchscreen voting systems!

And citizens, be warned! While this will likely be a one-way system for now -- making it difficult for us to detect simple but illicit tampering directly -- our vast network of thermostat informants will be ready and willing to report any and all transgressors, with the full weight of the criminal justice system waiting like the Sword of Damocles.

So give glory to the Masters of Megawatts! All hail the Honchos of Heat! Genuflect to the Autocrats of Air Conditioning!

And coming soon, mandated devices that will allow us to control when and where you have sex. More details about these in our next Telescreen bulletin.

Until then, you may return to your designated legal, state-decreed activities.

This announcement has been brought to you by the California State Ministry of Environmental Monitoring and Control. Have a nice day!

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Blog Update (January 16, 2008): California Regulators Cancel Mandatory Thermostat Authority

Posted by Lauren at January 12, 2008 06:59 PM | Permalink
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