January 09, 2007

Satire: "Neutrality Rhapsody"

"Neutrality Rhapsody"

Lyrics Copyright © 2007 Lauren Weinstein.
All rights reserved.


To the tune of:
"Bohemian Rhapsody"

(With apologies to Freddie Mercury)

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Is this the real Net?
Is this what has to be?
Promises broken,
ISPs have done this to me.

Open your eyes,
Look into your screens and see ...
We once had free speech,
And Net Neutrality,
But now they're easy come, easy go,
Telecoms run the show.

Wasn't there a way out?
Didn't have to happen,
You see.
You see ...

Web sites,
Don't work no more,
Since their throughput is too slow,
And I've nowhere else to go.

Web sites,
That we knew so well.
But the telcos and their gang took them away.

Web sites,
Sorry to say,
For granted we did take,
Now pay through the nose for all tomorrows ...
It's the way,
From today,
Or else our traffic's mangled.

Too late.
Delayed too long.
The telecoms plowed through,
Buying up all that we knew.

Now they really have us,
In a stranglehold.
Our communications controlled from on high.

Web sites,
Large ones and small,
Don't want you to die ...
Why'd we let this all get so bad at all?

      [ guitar solo  ]

I'm just a wee site,
Hardly have any money ...

      That's a shame,
      Just the same,
      Pony up some more moolah!

How can I ever innovate?
How can you treat me this way?

      'Cause we own you.
            Thought that you knew.
      'Cause we own you.
            And all you do.
      'Cause we've got you by the balls ...

Say it's not so, oh, oh, oh, oh ...

We are a big site,
Net costs us plenty ...

      A piece of your action,
      Is still the protection fee!
      Pay or choked data your users will see.

All we want,
All we ask,
Will you just play fair?

      We will not, no, we need not to play fair!

Just play fair!

      We will not, we're cable and telco ...

Just play fair!

      We will not, subscribers we control ...

Just play fair!

      You used our pipes for free ...

Just play fair!

      No business you will see ...

Just play fair, fair, fair, fair, fair!

      No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh Congress,
Please make them play fair!

The time is past,
You all should have acted long ago, ago, ago ...

      [ another solo  ]

So you think you can warp the Net for your own profits?
So you can restrict to your walled gardens most of the bits?

Oh telecoms,
Can't do this to us telecoms,
Gotta get out,
Gotta find a way around you.

      [ extended musical interlude  ]

This all really matters,
The Internet we see.
It would all be different,
Without Network Neutrality.

That's what makes the Net go ...

< fini >

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Lauren Weinstein
lauren@vortex.com or lauren@pfir.org
Tel: +1 (818) 225-2800
Co-Founder, PFIR - People For Internet Responsibility
Co-Founder, IOIC - International Open Internet Coalition
Founder, CIFIP - California Initiative For Internet Privacy
Founder, PRIVACY Forum
Member, ACM Committee on Computers and Public Policy
Lauren's Blog

Posted by Lauren at January 9, 2007 10:26 PM | Permalink
Twitter: @laurenweinstein
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