White House Releases Transcript of Trump and Comey Dinner Meeting

The White House has announced that the audio recording of the dinner meeting that occurred between President Donald J. Trump and then FBI Director James Comey was accidentally deleted by Eric Trump when he inadvertently recorded an episode of “Stormfront News” over the meeting audio. However, the White House is now pleased to make available a 100% accurate, verbatim transcript of that meeting that had already been prepared. In this transcript, The President of the United States Donald J. Trump is shown by P:, and James Comey is shown by C:.

P: Jim, come right in over here next to me! C’mon, closer. Give me a big hug! So glad you could make it!

C: Thank you Mr. President. It’s a tremendous honor to be here. You know how much I’ve admired you for so many years. I was beginning to become concerned when you didn’t return any of my many calls asking to keep my job as FBI Director. I feared that you didn’t want to talk to me any more and that my position was in jeopardy.

P: Nonsense Jim. You know how I feel about you. I’ve just been extremely busy. Running this great country leaves me no time for any recreation, any fun — it’s the toughest job in the world and it’s all work. Let’s sit down over here at this small, intimate table and get started with dinner. Would you prefer the Filet-O-Fish or the McNuggets?

C: The fish would be just fine, Mr. President.

P: Here you go, Jim. Take two ketchup packets. I can manage with only one.

C: Thank you, Mr. President. The stories I’ve heard about your generosity are obviously true.

P: Sorry there are no fries. I think Sean stole them from the bag.

C: No problem, sir.

P: Now Jim, I know you’re desperate to keep your job as FBI Director, and I want to be clear that I don’t expect anything from you in return for staying in that position.

C: That makes me feel much better, sir.

P: In particular, all those faxes you sent me offering your personal loyalty were totally unnecessary. All I expect from you is loyalty to the United States of America. I don’t matter at all. It’s this wonderful, diverse country and its wonderful, multicultural citizens that we care about. The vast cornucopia of diversity that makes the United States of America like the proverbial shining city on the hill.

C: You have such a wonderful way with words, Mr. President. You certainly have the best words.

P: Thanks Jim. And I want you to take all of your investigations wherever they need to go. If they lead to Vladimir, or Eric, or Ivanka, or Jared, or Flynn — I don’t want you to back off by one tiny iota. If they’re guilty, they’re guilty, and should be treated like every other simple, ordinary person just like me. I expect you to aspire to my ethical standards, and apply those lofty heights to your daily work at the FBI, just as I’ve applied them every day in my own businesses.

C: That’s a very tall order Mr. President. I’m not sure that I’m enough of a man to meet your standards.

P: I have faith in you, Jim. Now get back to your office and make me proud.

C: I’ll do my best, sir. And thank you, sir. You’re a great human being.

— End of Recording —

– – –


Please Ask Me Your YouTube Questions for “Questions I’m Asked About Google” #2

Given the positive reactions to my experimental first “Questions I’m Asked About Google” live video stream on anti-Google hate email and Google Account issues (Video at https://vortex.com/google-1 — more info at: https://vortex.com/about), I’m preparing to go forward with QIAAG edition #2 which will go live on https://vortex.com/view, to focus on issues associated with Google’s YouTube. The date and time for this next stream are not yet determined, but this post will be updated with the final schedule. The link for joining the stream as a participant will be active at https://vortex.com/join, starting approximately 10 minutes before the start of the broadcast.

My main topic points will relate to YouTube and the DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act), Content ID, copyright strikes, monetization, hate speech controversies, Terms of Service enforcement, account closures, video takedowns, appeal mechanisms, and related issues.

I welcome your specific questions about these or other YouTube topics, either generally or involving your own specific issues and experiences with using YouTube, particularly (but not limited to) account penalties, takedowns, account closures, and the like. Please submit these via https://vortex.com/questions as soon as possible!

Thanks everyone!


“Questions I’m Asked About Google” #1 (2017-06-07)

Greetings. Here is the video of my first Questions I’m Asked About Google effort that was live this morning. Topics include Crazy anti-Google hate mail and Google Account Issues. The standard URL for the latest of these programs will always be: https://vortex.com/view.

The blog post with more information about this project remains at: https://lauren.vortex.com/2017/06/05/announcing-questions-im-asked-about-google-live-video-streams

Thanks all!


Boom! Anti-Google Propaganda Fills My Inbox!

Well, this is interesting. Shortly after I yesterday announced my new “Questions I’m Asked About Google” live video streams — still currently scheduled to launch 10:30 AM PDT (GMT-7, 17:30 UTC) tomorrow morning (June 7) — than my main inbox began flooding with anti-Google hate mail. It can’t be coincidental, and some of it appears to be coordinated.

For more information about this new live streaming effort, including links for viewing, asking questions, and directly participating, please see:


I had been debating whether or not I should address (e.g. “rant”) at the start of these streams about current crazy stories attacking Google. Now I don’t see how I can reasonably avoid doing this. OK, if that’s the way it’s gotta be!

Two of the beauts I’m considering touching on tomorrow morning relate to this email deluge over the last 24 hours.

One is messages I’m receiving about an article on a wacko (but relatively major) anti-Muslim site, that usually spends much of their time trying to sell the false story that Google Search “favors” Islam. Well, now they’re even upset about Google Doodles.

They claim that Google celebrated the oppression of women with a home page Doodle of a “Disneyfied veiled Muslima” on 31 May. So I had to go back and dig this one up.

Typical fake news bull being passed around as if it were real. The Doodle in question showed a representation of famed female architect Zaha Hadid, who won the Pritzker Architecture Prize on that day in 2004. And she’s not wearing a veil.

Not even close, anti-Muslim idiots.

Then I started digging through all the hate mail being triggered by an inflammatory new article in “The Intercept” (nope, I’m not giving them any link juice!) which falsely asserts evil in Google’s plans for an ad blocking system for obnoxious ads (to be deployed in their Chrome browser), in conjunction with their upcoming full launch of “Funding Choices” (which is actually a direct descendant of their now discontinued “Google Contributor” system).

Unfortunately, Google (as is all too typical with them in many cases) has not explained this very well, which creates a vacuum that deceptive articles like those from “The Intercept” fill with their own propaganda, and then the false conspiracy theories take flight en masse.

So I guess I’ll probably need to touch on this area as well tomorrow morning.

Yep, we’ll see how it goes. Please let me know if you have any questions and/or wish to participate, and again for more info (including possible scheduling provisos), please see:


Thanks all.


Announcing: “Questions I’m Asked About Google” Live Video Streams

Every day, for many years now, my email inbox has been loaded down with questions that relate to Google, one way or another. Even with my collection of “canned” responses for the most common questions, there’s significant effort involved in dealing with these queries effectively — and I don’t consider simply ignoring them to be an ethical option.

So let’s see if we can leverage some Google 21st century tech in these regards.

Inspired by Google’s own John Mueller’s excellent Webmaster Central video hangouts, I’m experimentally launching a similar live video program (with archived versions available for later viewing on YouTube), that I’m calling “Questions I’m Asked About Google” (QIAAG).

The first of my live QIAAG programs is currently scheduled for this coming Wednesday, June 7, at 10:30 AM PDT (GMT-7, 17:30 UTC). I’m aiming for a half hour length or so, but I’ll be playing it by ear.

The main topic for the debut program is Google Account issues — protection, recovery, problems, solutions, killing off some false rumors, and more regarding these critical gateways to pretty much everything you do with Google. You’re not limited to asking questions on this particular subset of Google-related topics by any means, but this is my primary focus for the first stream.

John provides Google’s answers to webmaster queries mostly related to how webmasters interact with Google for the best search results and avoidance of related problems.

My program is decidedly unofficial. It is not being conducted in concert with Google, and while I have in the past consulted to Google, everything I discuss will of course be based on public information.

That said, when I examine the depth and breadth of the sorts of queries I receive about Google services (everything from Gmail to YouTube and beyond), from Google users who often feel that they have been unable to get answers that they can readily understand from Google itself, I believe my effort may be able to help at least a little bit.

I’ll be doing these programs live (“these” assumes more than one — we’ll see how it goes!) to facilitate interaction with viewers who want to join the live hangouts directly or otherwise submit questions during the program itself. An additional advantage of conducting these live is that this undercuts my natural tendency toward lengthy editing of prerecorded material.

Again, when the live streams end they will be available for later viewing on YouTube. You can view the live or archived programs, or submit questions, without being logged into Google. If you wish to participate in the live hangouts themselves, you must be logged in, of course.

There are several main links involved with these programs.

The link to view the live stream on YouTube at its scheduled time, or the archived version until a few days before the next live stream:


After this link switches to the next live program, the previously archived programs will continue to be available via their native YouTube URLs, at the associated YouTube channel:


To ask Google/YouTube/etc. questions at any time (including during the live streams), please use the form at:


Prior to shows, you can also email me questions at:


If you with to join in and participate in the live video hangouts, the link is:


This link will go active for the upcoming current hangout very shortly before the show. You can also email me letting me know if you wish to participate.

Please always use these links when possible, since the URLs of the pages to which they actually redirect may be updated at any time.

That’s pretty much the story. The first live stream is definitely subject to scheduling changes if I run into unforeseen problems, though right now the technical logistics seem pretty well nailed down. If there are postponements or other scheduling changes, the main links above will redirect to pages giving more information. The length of these programs, and the scheduling of additional programs going forward, will depend on whether or not they seem to be usefully contributing to helping folks with these Google-related kinds of issues. 

I look forward to your participation. Your thoughts, questions, or comments are most welcome. Thanks!

Be seeing you.