FADE IN:

INT. - BRIDGE OF THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE

CAPTAIN KIRK
Proceed to Starbase 12, Warp Factor 3.

LIEUTENANT UHURA
Captain, message coming in from Starfleet
Command on the priority channel!

KIRK
Read it, Communications Officer.

UHURA
"Federation authorities have been notified that contrary
to previous reports, additional units of the
Hewlett-Packard "TouchPad" will be manufactured
and made available for sale, at essentially the same drastically
reduced prices as have been earlier noted. Details to follow. Signed,
Commodore Budgell, Starbase 15, Starfleet Command."

LIEUTENANT COMMANDER SPOCK
Fascinating.

LIEUTENANT COMMANDER SCOTT
Aye! This means I might finally have a chance to work with one of those
babies. And lithium-ion powered, too!

SPOCK
I fail to discern the sense in HP manufacturing additional units of a product
line that they had already announced was being liquidated due to previous
lack of sales.

LIEUTENANT COMMANDER McCOY
You don't understand the human psychology, Spock! Everything changed
when HP drastically reduced the price to sell out their inventory!

SPOCK
I am well aware of that, Doctor. What I find completely illogical is the
manufacturing of additional units to be sold at the same price as the
liquidated units. If the point of the entire exercise was to empty existing
stocks of TouchPads so that HP could exit that product line, why would
they then want to build more of them? It would be like digging a tunnel and then
shipping in more dirt so that you can do additional excavation.

YEOMAN JANICE RAND
Coffee, Captain?

KIRK
Thank you, Yeoman. Spock, I know it doesn't seem logical, but as you're
well aware we humans don't always behave in logical ways, and that's particularly
true when sale prices are involved.

RAND
Did you say there's a sale? I love sales!

McCOY
See what we mean, Spock?

SCOTT
Aye! And remember, we poor, illogical humans love to tinker, too.
I'll have Android, CyanogenMod, and remote access to
the helm controls running on that baby before you can say
"Regulan Bloodworm" three times without stopping!

McCOY
Please Scotty, I just had lunch.

SPOCK
This is all very interesting, but it still does not answer the
question of why a firm would increase their stock of a product that
they had wanted to eliminate!

McCOY
Do you remember when I taught you to play poker, Spock?

SPOCK
Remember? T'Pau still has not forgiven me for becoming the only Vulcan
in history to be in financial debt to an outworlder.

McCOY
Well, that's what it's like with HP and the TouchPad! It's not a matter
just of inventories and bottom lines, but of longer-range strategy and
planning.

SPOCK
My impression has been that human long-range planning is most
closely akin to the uncertainty principle than anything else, especially
when it comes to Hewlett-Packard.

SCOTT
Now that's not being very fair. Look at how well HP handled DEC and Compaq!

SPOCK
(Spock stands silently, staring at Scott.)

SCOTT
Perhaps those weren't the best examples ...

KIRK
Gentlemen, I know we'd all like to have TouchPads to play with, but for
now there's work to be done or nobody gets paid. Doctor, Scotty, back
to your stations please. Spock, you've stood three watches in a row --
I order you to go get some rest.

SPOCK
As you order, Captain. I will be in my cabin if I am needed.

CUT TO:

INT. - SPOCK'S CABIN
(Door hisses open, Spock enters, door hisses closed. Room is
packed with boxed and unboxed iPads from floor to ceiling.
Spock carefully weaves between the high stacks, sits down,
and begins strumming his Vulcan Harp.)

SPOCK
(Muttering to himself.)

Humans! Totally illogical.

- - -

--Lauren--